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that pearly shell in the ocean, that diamond in the sky

Psalm 23:1-6

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 
 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, 
he leads me beside quiet waters, 
 3 he refreshes my soul. 
He guides me along the right paths 
   for his name’s sake. 
4 Even though I walk 
   through the valley of the shadow of death, 
I will fear no evil, 
   for you are with me; 
your rod and your staff, 
   they comfort me.

 5 You prepare a table before me 
   in the presence of my enemies. 
You anoint my head with oil; 
   my cup overflows. 
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me 
   all the days of my life, 
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD 
   forever.

i wasn’t able to prepare a proper eulogy so i’ll just be posting this here;

my mom was first diagnosed of breast cancer in 2005. she had treatment and went into remission for 4 years.

she went back to work as soon as she can, a proof of her dedication to her work.

in 2009 her disease metastasized to her bones and she had treatment.

in 2010 had her first seizure due to tumors in her brain and then she underwent into treatment again.

in 2011 the tumor in her brain had spread that it paralyzed her left side.

for 7 years she continually fought her disease never losing hope, always having the courage to fight for another day.

for 7 years we felt secured and had the luxury of not feeling the burden she had for she never showed us weakness.

on her final days, her cancer has spread to her bones, brain, liver… she was under a lot of pain relievers and even on her sleep due to medication, she shows us how she loved her work. there was this time she was asking for “pop smears” and “slides” and we laughed. 

even when she was bedridden she always requested us to give her a bath everyday for as long as she can even if it gives her pain. even moving her a little gave her so much pain but  she endured it. it also caused her to have difficulty eating and we can only give her a few drops of fluids a day. even that gave her difficulty swallowing and often times choked. her cancer even spread to her throat, we heard stories that those who are in the stages of cancer like my mom’s shout because of the pain, but we were spared of hearing her scream in pain. 

i didnt really appreciated holding her hands or stroking her hair so much back then, to me it was as much as that and nothing more. there are times that even after having been given pain relievers, she is still in pain, i was so helpless, all i can do was hold her hands and stroke her head. i never really knew how much comfort small gestures can give to someone until that time.

upon hearing that her sister is coming home from hawaii, she showed us again her courage and resolve to continued fighting. she requested for and drank water and vegetable juice more than she usually could just so that she could have enough strength to wait for her and respond when they meet.

she even had the strength to wait for her grand daughter and spend time with her one last time. my mom heard how she was doing good at school and she sang to my mom;

Twinkle twinkle little star, 

How I wonder what you are, 

Up above the world so high, 

Like a diamond in the sky….

when i was in kinder i remember myself crying out “mama dear!” at school whenever my mom leaves me and like the whole school would hear me shout. i was a child back then and although at that time i have no idea what it is that made me totally dependent to her, it is a child’s instinct to always look for her mother and be with her. and now that she has left us here on earth, we cry her name, my heart cries “mama dear!” like a child missing her mother.

they say we are one and the same in one thing, and that is that everyone dies, eventually. but i say there’s another thing we are equal in, and that is that we have our lord Jesus Christ, and that we are given a choice to receive himas our personal lord and savior.

today we may grieve a lost of a mother, a wife, a daugther, a sister, a friend. we may shed tears and feel sorrow and pain. and it is not because we don’t want her to be in heaven with our lord, but because we love her deeply. the memories and experiences, the pain and laughter, the joy and tears we shared with her. but we seek comfort to the word of the lord, of the gift of eternal life. and it is not something that we have to earn, but by his faith we are saved, and all we have to do is to receive it. now i know my mom is well, she has been born again without any sickness, pain or suffering for she dwells in the kingdom of god. she is resting in peace now, and has eternal comfort with the lord.

she showed us a lot things. her dedication to her work and to her family, her unwavering strength and courage a midst all the difficulties. it has been a journey for her and for us as well. we prayed for sustenance, provisions, and strength and surrendered everything to the lord. we prayed for a miracle and even though my mom’s journey here on earth has ended, god really is a faithful god, and he has my deepest gratitude for she has given us,especially my mom, lots of miracles. miracles we take for granted. 

To all our friends and family, to all the people she has touched, thank you for all your prayers and unwavering support you have given us along the way. you are his miracle that he gave to us. we are my mom’s legacy.

mom

january 22, 1959 - june 25, 2011

you are that pearly shell in the ocean, that diamond in the sky.

i love you mama.

  1. tontondrei posted this